Name: Richard Cranium
Job History (last 5 years):
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned. I just couldn't concentrate.
Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.
After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it. Mainly because it was a so-so job.
Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was exhausting.
I worked as a pilot but eventually got grounded for taking off too much.
Then I tried teaching but I couldn't make the grade.
I spent a few years as a Psychiatrist but everyone's problems drove me crazy.
I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn't cut it.
Then I tried to be a chef--figured it would add a little spice to my life but I just didn't have the thyme.
I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.
My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.
I was a pretty good eye doctor, but I could not stay focused on the job.
I worked a long time as a doctor. I gave it my best shot, but I didn't have enough patients.
Next was a job in a shoe factory; but it never touched my sole.
The Energizer Battery Company hired me but then expected me to keep going, and going, and going...
I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.
Thought about becoming a witch, so I tried that for a spell.
I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.
I got a job at a zoo feeding giraffes but I was fired because I wasn't up to it.
So then I got a job in a gymnasium (work-out-center), but they said I wasn't fit for the job.
Of course, I tried being a secretary, but it turned out not to be my type of work.
My years as an exterminator were pretty good, but I got tired of the rat race.
Next, I found being an electrician interesting, but the work was shocking even though it kind of turned me on.
I was a gardener for a while, but I didn't grow with the job even though I was raking in the money.
My career as a comedian was a stand-up success, but the critics thought I was a big joke.
After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.
My last job was working at a Coffee Shop, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.
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